November 18, 1977, THE CHRONICLE, page 5
) T

grand opening. A grandiose affair,
indeed, symphony orchestra and the
whole shot. One by one, men of
distinction and worthy of much respect, stood and told us of the great
the public and those alumni that community-minded thing which has
found it worthwhile to come. But, occurred before our very eyes. How
what about the students? What was the college has built something that
done for them out of what we are sure the whole community can enjoy; the
has been thousands of dollars spent whole community that is except one
making an impression (rented plants,
portion, the students of Durham
overtime maintenance and numerous College. We get to sit in the back and
other impression-oriented expenses.)? wait until no one else is around,
Why couldn't the administration have before we get a chance to use the
invested a few dollars in the students? facility. Sure, we can go around and
After all, it will be these students you play basketball, (if we don't wear
will be trying to convince to come , cut-offs,) or we can use the fitness
back for the next anniversary. But centre. We can even play squash,
that's all water under the bridge; all tennis or badminton, (for a price.)
we can do is hope that the administ- Why is it that the students of Durham
ration is not too far above us to think College are the last thing ·on the
about us.
minds of the administration?.
The next thing. that's grinding teeth
That's what it boils down to. The
in our office is the sports compl.~x! · · administration has been doing so
We heard all the speeches at it's much administering that they've

forgotten who · they're doing it for.
Community projects are fine, but they
should be aimed at bettering the
community's view and understanding, ·
not at performing a · competetive
service that they can get somewhere
else anyway. College is an institution,
one whose goals should supposedly be
the ideals of higher 'education. One
whose main stream of thought should
be the betterment of today's youth
through better education, and supplying them with the facilities to ensure
justice to their education. It's time the
administration took two steps backwards and had a look at what they are
doing and why they're doing it. It's
time to get your priorities straight.
Without you we wouldn't be here, but
without us. neither would you.
SAC executive:
Cecile Prevost

the school.
He's usually easy to trick, but you
ain't seen nothin' yet.
Those pillars in the front foyer are
actually gigantic microphones capable
of picking up minute sounds throughout the campus. What I do is tape a
sign on my back and front stating
"Don't talk. The college is bugged."
This works sometimes, but only if the
closed-circuit T. V. cameras disguised
as fire extinguishers are not in operation in the halls during school tiJJle.
If that's the case, then I simply rip
the discreet tattle-taters off the wall
and claim there is a fire in the men's
washroom. I then flush the pests
down the toilet. But beware - the
urinals often contain tiny transmitters
which can magnetically attach themselves to various parts of your body
and one place in particular.

Your classmates can be another
problem. I am convinced that Gerald
Rose'.s head is actually a bomb designed by the RCMP to automatically
explode when there is e'!en the slightest sign of enemy surveillance. Even
my Social Research instructor, Johnny
Lackner, is probably a walking IBM
criminal locator. Why else would his
nose be red all the time?
So fear not, students and staff, we
can learn to live with the RCMP in
peace and harmony. We need not fear
them, only fool them, and through
these very actions that I follow every
morning, you can do it. If I were you
though, I'd hide my face behind the
paper from that Mountie disguised as
Dr. Willey off to ·your right...

A raw deal says SAC
The following is a copy of a
memorandum sent to Dr. Gordon E.
Willey, President of Durham College,
by the executive of the student
Administrative Council.
On behalf of the student body, we
would like to congratulate the administration of Durham College on excellent and entef1aining festivities to
mark this, the tenth anniversary of the
college and opening of the new sports
complex. ·
Now it's our tum to say a few
words. Firstly, the festivities . They
were well handled and enjoyed by
most present. (We say most because
we don't claim to represent everyone,
and· there are always a few who are
never satisfied.) They were great for

.Oops! RCMP foiled again
I

shower nozzle. After I dry myself and
get dressed, I make sure that I don't
comb my hair in the reflection of the
downstairs mirror. That's because it's
of the two-way variety you'd see on
something like Mission Impossible.
While proceeding to the college in
my auto, I usually go to the college
via Moosejaw, Saskatchewan to insure
that the Feds aren't following in close
pursuit.
After arriving at the college (I
usually have a 3-day headstart from
When I get up in the morning, the
home), I put on a phoney moustache
first thing I do is have a shower. The
and sunglasses to fool the foxy, but
thing is, I have to make a lot of steam
stupid RCMP undercover agent diswith the hot water so it will cause
condensation on the lens of the mini- guised as a Hare Krishna member
ature T.V. camera hidden in the" handing out flowers at the entrance to

Everybody's making ·such a big deal
over the RCMP activities in Ottawa!
Buggings are nothing new. They've
been around a long time. My greatgrandfather was often bugged by the
RCMP, but that's another story.
The point is, huggings are so
common now that we shouldn't worry
about it -- we should learn to live with
it. Here's how I do it.

vans promises:

o nlore fractions
To the editor:
In the last issue of the Chronicle,
Gerald Rose brought to light the fact
that Durham College is graduaiing
parts of students. Upon discovering
this phenomenon, the placement office
immediately went out into the community to "pick up the pieces" and,
with skill and determination, was able
to reassemble the pieces so that these
unfortunate graduates were made
whole again. Unfortunately, they
quickly made off into the world of
business and found jobs.
It is hoped that the ''whole student
body" · will take advantage of tl1e
services offered by the placement
office and let us help you find full and
part-time jobs.
Our apologies to anyone we may
have "broken up". We'll do our best
to get you all together (and keep it
that way) in the future.
Lee .l!.'vans

Placement officer

Soundo.ff!
,
f

(

The Chronicle welcomes letters to the editor.
If you wish to make a complaint about any
article published in the Chronicle; if there is
anything about Durham College or the Chronicle
that you feel deserves congratulations or criticism;
or if you simply want to air an opinion, feel free to
drop us a line at the Chronicle office (C-122).
All letters must be signed. Anonymous letters
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E

. . .... .... ,.. ..

Phil Densham
Mike Fidler

Eva Ellsmere
Ken 'Nadalin

JOE BANKS

When birds o.f a .fea.t her .flock•••
Anita Bryant, Canada needs you! The male
mallards in Vancouver's Stanley Park Zoo are
nuzzling each other's feathers!
It seems that the proportion of male ducks
to female ducks is so high that the drakes are
making the best of what they've got the most
of.. .. each other.
The zookeeper is worried that other ducks
in the pond will pick up the·. habit. You
know--ducky see, ducky do.
I can imagine the uproar if a flock of these
mallards were to land in some farmer's pond;
local fowl would picket the neighborhood.
There would be fights, and finally legislation
against equal opportunities for gay ducks.
Anita Bryant and Roy Rogers could speak
for the anti-gay faction, but they would be
outnumbered by Daffy, Donald, and Howard.
Anit.:1 and Roy have God on their side,
though.

On the other hand, I can imagine the
consternation of duck hunters across the
continent when they sit, waiting in their
blinds, and no ducks appear.
Every species wilJ have forgotten how to do
it Nature's way, and they will have all
disappeared because no more little ducklings
had been produced.
If those tendencies were to spread to others
of the animal kingdom--no more deer, no
more moose, no more seals. My God, it's
more of a danger than DDT or water
pollution!
Anita; you once came to Niagara Falls to
sell orange juice. Please come back to help 11s
out of this crisis.
Come to think of it, the rubber duck who
sits on my sink has been winking· at me of
late ...
FLOYD MATERNE

The college life?